


good as we were (it could be worth it)

by slidetacklefc



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Idiots in Love, Mutual Pining, New Year's Eve, New Year's Kiss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-31
Updated: 2019-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-12 09:55:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22057939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slidetacklefc/pseuds/slidetacklefc
Summary: It's New Year's Eve, and all Emily wants is to kiss Kelley at midnight.
Relationships: Kelley O'Hara/Emily Sonnett
Comments: 22
Kudos: 163





	good as we were (it could be worth it)

**Author's Note:**

> title from brandon stansell's _never know_. thank you to those who helped me with this. i appreciate you.  
here's to a happy 2020, friends!

_All I wanna hear you say is that you feel the same way_   
_But you're a hard to get never ever, one in a million get together_   
_..._   
_And if we walk away and let this thing go_   
_We'll never know_

: : : 

The bottle of wine is cold in Emily’s hand. There’s a bow wrapped around it, a red piece of ribbon Kelley had insisted on tying on before they left the hotel. She claimed it’d make it more festive, like a gift. She feels bad they didn’t have something ‘real’ to bring. She’s still talking about it as the car pulls to a stop in front of the house.

“It’s a New Years’ party, Kel, I think alcohol is the only requirement. This is a one hundred dollar bottle of wine. Stop stressing.”

As they exit the Uber, Kelley’s fingers brush against hers, so softly that Emily thinks she might be imagining it. But then it happens again when they’re waiting at the door, just as Emily reaches down to slip her hand in her jacket pocket. It’s not cold, exactly— they’re in Los Angeles, after all —but there’s a wind coming off the ocean that makes her shiver and move closer to Kelley for warmth. It’s then that Kelley’s fingers graze against hers again, a little more insistently, still kind of soft enough that it might be an accidental bump, something in Emily’s head.

It’s been happening more and more these days, is the thing. It seems like no matter where they go or what they do Kelley’s always touching her in some way: their thighs pressed together in the back seat of the car, her lips against her ear as she whispers something during a movie, the soft touch of a hand on her waist when she’s letting her walk ahead of her through a doorway.

It’s becoming all too much for Emily, but she doesn’t know what to do about it.

Before she can say anything about it to Kelley, whose cheeks have turned pink in the wind, the door opens.

It’s Tobin. Not exactly who she expected to be opening the door to Alex’s house, but it’s also not completely out of the ordinary.

“Hey, Kel. Son,” she says with a nod, opening the door wide to let them through. Her smile is bright, nearly as bright as the neon green sneakers she’s wearing on her feet.

“Hey, Happy New Year,” Emily says, the fabric of Tobin’s blazer scratchy against her cheek.

“Whoa, Tobes, you look good,” Kelley says, bumping Emily out of the way with her hip so that she can give Tobin a hug of her own. “Also, Sonnett, we talked about this. You can’t say Happy New Year until—”

“Until it’s actually midnight, I heard you the previous three times. I just think you’re wrong.”

“Alright, well that’s gonna be bad luck for the next decade, you know that.”

“Literally no one says that, Kel,” Emily shoots back. Kelley just rolls her eyes and turns back to Tobin.

“How’d you get stuck on door duty?” She’s shrugging off her coat as she says it. Emily hears Tobin’s answer, something about Alex claiming pregnancy privilege, but she’s too busy looking at Kelley.

Her shoulders are bare, and Emily has to turn away and unzip her own jacket to avoid looking at the curve of Kelley’s neck. She’s spent a lot of time thinking about what it would be like to press a kiss to that spot, to suck at the skin there. There had been a plane ride from Atlanta, plenty of time in the hotel room while they were getting ready, the entire Uber ride here. 

When she turns back, Kelley is still wearing the black crop top with thin straps, just like she knew she would be, and Emily has to shift the bottle of wine to her other hand to avoid dropping it. If she drops this wine all over Alex’s foyer, she’ll never hear the end of it.

She feels underdressed in her blue jeans and white v-neck. It’s not something she’d normally wear, too used to athletic clothes. She was planning on wearing a hoodie and leggings, but she’d seen how stupidly good Kelley had looked in her top and those black jeans, ripped at the knees, and pulled the nicest things she could out of her suitcase. Her sneakers aren’t as cute as Kelley’s boots, but she’s trying her best here, and she hopes it’s appreciated. At least someone here will notice she looks good, even if it’s just Lindsey. Her best friend always knows what to say.

“Lindsey, Sam, and Rose are out on the patio,” Tobin says, as if she can read Emily’s mind. 

“There you are!” Alex rushes into the foyer, nearly skidding on the tile floor in her slippers. She’s so pregnant, so much more so than the last time Emily saw her, a few months ago. “You two are some of the last ones here, I thought you might never show up.”

“We’re here, Janice,” Kelley says, and she and Alex do some weird of hug/play fighting thing that Emily doesn’t quite get, but they’re both smiling when they pull away and Alex greets Emily.

“Hey, Sonnett.”

“Hey. We brought — well, Kelley brought wine.”

“Yet you’re the one holding it, Son,” Alex says, a wry grin to her face that Emily can’t quite make sense of. “So that seems like maybe it was a group gift.”

This time it’s Kelley’s turn to roll her eyes. “Just shut up and take the wine already.”

Alex raises her hands in the air, surrendering. “It’s not like I can drink it.”

“We get it, you’re busy growing a human to bring into the world, it’s a huge sacrifice, everything hurts, blah blah blah.”

If anyone besides Kelley had said it, Alex would’ve slapped them. As it stands, Alex just rolls her eyes and ushers them into the kitchen. Tobin’s leaning against the counter with a beer in her hand and talking to Christen, having abandoned the front door at some point in the middle of Kelley and Alex’s weird hugging routine.

The kitchen is full of their friends, people spilling out onto the back patio. She can just make out Sam’s head back there, towering above everyone, and next to her Lindsey and Rose, just as Tobin said. They’re all crowded around the firepit. This isn’t the first time she’s been to Alex’s house, mostly for soccer parties just like this one, and she has a pretty good understanding of the lower level at this point. There’s a pool out there, and a soccer pitch that they’ve ended up on at some point during every party; she’s sure tonight will be no different.

“Sonnett!” Christen says, nearly dropping her cocktail in her rush to hug Emily tight around the neck. The kiss she leaves on Emily’s cheek is sloppy, and that’s how she knows Christen’s cocktail is not her first. Emily squeezes her back tighter, holding onto Christen for as long as Christen wants. She gives the best hugs, even when she’s a little drunk.

“I told you she was coming,” Tobin says, poking Christen in the upper arm. “I told you she was, and you didn’t believe me.”

“Babe, I never said that. I said I wouldn’t be _ surprised _ if she didn’t come, because she was with Kelley, and you know how Kelley is.”

“What does that mean?” Kelley says. Emily jumps at her voice; last she’d seen, Kelley was halfway across the sprawling kitchen talking to Ash and Ali, who were holding court over by the drinks. She’s holding a drink in each hand, and Emily bites back a laugh; it’s typical Kelley to get herself two drinks to start with, claiming that she doesn’t have to go back for refills then. 

Christen laughs. “It just means that… I didn’t know if you guys would find a better offer.”

“What does _ that _ mean?” Kelley asks, a little sharper this time. Emily doesn’t quite like it. 

“I dunno, the two of you might stay in the hotel and watch movies all night or something. Wouldn’t be the first time.”

Emily laughs and suddenly all the tension is diffused. It’s a fair point; she and Kelley had been roommates at camp a few months ago and they’d missed a party a few months ago when they had a Disney Channel Original Movie marathon and lost track of time. She’d been sad to miss the party but didn’t feel that awful about it. That night is one of her favorite memories from this year, World Cup included; it was just fun, and casual, and comforting. She could let down her walls and just be exactly who she is. It felt great.

She’s been cherishing the time she spends with Kelley more than usual these days, enjoying any time she can capture Kelley’s attention. It’s been happening more these days, and at the best of times Emily can stop herself from reading into it, but most of the time she can’t help but wonder if Kelley feels even a fraction of what she’s feeling.

“Here, Son, take this, my hand’s cold and I’m sick of holding it for you.” Kelley passes her one of the drinks, and clinks her bottle against Emily’s and notions for her to drink it. “Cheers.”

Oh. So the second drink was for her. “Cheers. Thanks, Kel.”

They exchange a smile, something that catches in Emily’s throat a bit, and then Christen asks her about her last few weeks and the moment is broken. She talks about how training a puppy is even harder work than she remembers as a kid, but she’s grateful that she adopted her during the offseason break so that Bagel could live with her parents when she’s away. 

“I can’t wait to meet her,” Christen says. “The dogs will have to do a Portland play date.”

“Babe, your dogs are never in Portland. _ You _ just want to have a play date with Bagel,” Tobin says. 

“I’ve had like three already, she’s the best,” Kelley breaks in. “You’re gonna love her.”

“No doubt,” Christen says. 

“How was the wedding?” Emily asks. “It looked amazing from what I saw online.”

“So beautiful,” Tobin says.

“She cried the whole time.” Christen cuts in, looking proud.

“As if you didn’t?”

“I can’t stand you,” Christen says, but then she’s smiling at Tobin in that gross way they both look at each other and Emily doesn’t think either of them hate each other even a little bit. 

She wants that. She wants the friendship and the banter and the settled teasing. She wants the love and the care and the comfort of a partnership. The only problem is she wants it with Kelley, and she’s not sure Kelley wants it back. But sometimes she thinks she does.

It feels like she and Kelley are building toward something. She doesn’t know for sure, of course. It’s just that there are times it feels like the two of them are dancing along the same track, hurtling toward something big. Times when she’s sure Kelley can feel exactly what she’s feeling. Surely it’s not just Emily feeling her breath catch when they wake up on the couch, legs tangled together after an unexpected nap. It can’t just be Emily feeling that tugging low in her stomach when they lock eyes on the training field.

But then there are the other times: Kelley slinging an arm around her neck and saying she’s one of her closest friends, Kelley pointing out how similar they are, Kelley saying that for one of the youngest members on the team she’s pretty alright. Those are the times that Emily wonders if she’s reading too much into what’s been up to this point one of her very best friendships.

She’s capable of burying her attraction to Kelley. So she’s hot and fit. So are most of the girls Emily spends her days with, and Emily’s managed to avoid thinking about them in this way. So what if she’s thought about making out with Kelley, thought about her fingers and her thighs, Emily’s fingers on her thighs, Kelley’s thighs wrapped around Emily’s head. So what if she’s thought about these things late at night when no one else is around? No one needs to know.

That doesn’t mean she’s been completely subtle. Lindsey’s been alternating between teasing her about her crush and encouraging her to do something about it for the better part of a year. It’s not often that Emily resents having a best friend who knows her as well as Lindsey does; most of the time it’s amazing. She gets her coffee order right without asking and knows that Emily prefers the window seat on short flights but the aisle one on long flights and likes the heat turned to specific temperatures depending on her mood. But Lindsey also knows everything there is to know about Emily, including the way she’s unlikely to do anything about her crush on Kelley, and that’s the problem.

“Well if it isn’t my wayward best friend,” Lindsey says from behind her, as if Emily’s summoned her with her own mind. Before she can react, Lindsey’s arms wrap around her waist and squeeze as Lindsey presses a smacking kiss to the side of Emily’s head. Emily loses her balance and nearly drops her drink.

“Hi to you too,” Emily says, squeezing Lindsey’s arm with her free hand and leaning back.

“Happy New Year,” Lindsey says, finally letting go. Emily gets a good look at her then; she’s wearing a bright red jumpsuit that makes her look so, so tall.

“Happy New—” Emily starts, but she’s cut off by Kelley.

“You know it’s bad luck to say it before midnight.” 

Emily rolls her eyes. “Would you stop telling people that, Kel, I’m pretty sure you made it up.”

“Do you think that’s true?” Tobin asks, looking pensive.

“True that she made it up or true that it’s bad luck?” Lindsey asks. Emily can’t quite keep track of this conversation.

“I’ve heard that before actually,” says Christen, and Kelley looks pleased.

Emily takes a long sip of her beer. “You Stanford people are weird.”

Tobin high fives her for that one, and Emily meets it enthusiastically.

“Maybe so,” Kelley says, a grin crossing her face like it does only when she’s about to create some chaos, “but who won the College Cup?” She elbows Tobin, who looks suddenly displeased.

“Kel, I owe you so much for that one,” says Christen.

“No owing necessary. The redemption is enough to fuel me for years.”

Emily tugs on Lindsey’s hand. “Take me away from this, I’m begging you.”

Lindsey laughs. “Let’s go outside, Rose is probably coming up with pranks as we speak.”

“Good, she can help me think of one for Miss Kelley here.” Emily winks at Kelley as Lindsey pulls her away from the circle. Kelley looks a little bit shocked, and Emily will spend the next half hour telling herself that’s why she chose that moment to blow Kelley a kiss.

: : :

Kelley is magnetic. Emily knows this even before she meets her for the first time; Morgan Brian had come back to UVA from a national team camp and practically never shut up about the girl.

But then Emily meets her, and holy crap, Kelley O’Hara is _ magnetic_. She’s so _ good _ on the field, fierce and devoted and hardworking and intense. Emily already knew that from watching her games. It’s what Kelley is like off the field that gets her. She’s funny and loud and goofy and welcoming and never, ever makes Emily feel less than for being new to the team. She’s quick with a joke and she really listens to Emily, like she cares about what she has to say. She makes Emily feel important. Maybe Kelley’s this way with everyone, Emily doesn’t know. 

All she knows is that by the time she leaves her first national team camp, she’s got Kelley’s cell number in her phone and also a tiny, infinitesimal crush.

: : :

Emily should really have expected Rose Lavelle to be the first to say something. Once Emily has said hello and congratulations to Ash and Ali, once Lindsey has topped up her own drink and dragged Emily outside to the circle of Rose and Mal and Sam, Emily is greeted by a round of hugs and then Rose turns on her.

“So did you and Kelley get together yet?” She asks it casually, like she’s asking Emily if she picked up the gallon of milk she asked her to grab on the way home. Like it’s a given.

Emily looks around, frantic. “Would you keep your voice down?”

“I can’t tell if that’s a yes or a no.” Rose sounds unbothered. Her voice is exactly as loud as before.

“It means shut up before I injure your hamstring again.”

“Alright, that’s not nice,” Mal says.

“Neither is her pestering me! I said don’t talk about it!”

“I think your crush is cute,” Sam says, hugging her by the shoulders, and Emily tries to hide her rapid blush with a roll of her eyes. From the way Lindsey’s looking at her, it doesn’t work. She knows Sam means well. She still doesn’t like it.

Emily doesn’t know how they all found out. She knows Lindsey didn’t tell them— she’d sworn it on her Adidas contract and the entire state of Colorado —which leaves only one option: it’s so obvious that everyone can see it. Which means that Kelley herself can see it. And if Kelley can see it, she would’ve done something about it if she was interested. Kelley O’Hara isn’t the type to wait around for stuff to happen to her. She takes what she wants. It’s one of the things Emily loves about her.

Likes about her, Emily corrects. It’s one of the things Emily _ likes _ about her.

: : :

It’s not that she thinks Kelley would laugh at her. If she knows anything in this world, it’s that Kelley O’Hara would never think anything differently of her for having this stupid crush. It’s just— she doesn’t want to lose Kelley’s softness around her: the way she hugs Emily close and doesn’t let go for long moments, the way Kelley texts her memes and calls at random times to catch up, the way Kelley’s protective streak seems to always kick in around Emily. She knows Kelley wouldn’t mock her for the crush but it would change things, and Emily’s not ready for anything to change.

: : :

They get bored of the fire pit after a while — “I can only eat so many charred marshmallows,” complained Mal — and go back inside. Emily says a polite hello to Serv and a few of his friends before Rose comes with her to get another drink.

Kelley’s standing there too, because Emily’s life is a goddamn nightmare, but Emily can’t bring herself to be too stressed about it when she’s mostly fixated on the way Kelley’s looking at her with a bright smile. Emily meets it with one of her own.

“Hi, Kelley,” says Rose. “Did you have a nice Christmas?”

“Yeah, it was good! How was yours?” Kelley says, leaning in for a hug. She pulls away after a minute and Emily makes note of it. Kelley usually hugs her for longer. That has to mean something, right?

“Mine was good too. Didn’t get an invite to the Sonnetts’ family Christmas party though, so that’s where we differ.” Rose says it like she’s trying to get Emily to feel guilty, but Emily knows her better than that. Rose knows exactly what she’s doing.

“Sorry, Rose. Only had one plus one this year.” 

“The party was literally at your house.”

“You missed out,” Kelley says, and Emily can’t tell if she’s oblivious or merely trying to switch topics. For someone she knows so well, Kelley can be frustratingly hard to read at times. Though that’s partially how she ended up in this situation.

Rose finishes mixing her drink and looks between the two of them, a devious look on her face. Emily braces herself. Honest to god, Rose is worse than Emily’s own sister.

“Too bad there wasn’t any mistletoe at the Sonnetts’ though, huh? Could’ve taken advantage of it.” She squeezes Emily’s shoulder and walks away. She might as well have said ‘mic drop’ when she left.

Emily’s blushing. She knows she is because she can feel it immediately. Her face is hot and her pulse is pounding behind her ears and she busies herself with opening a new beer, hands shaky around the bottle. She doesn’t want to look at Kelley, doesn’t want her or Rose or anyone to know that there actually had been mistletoe at the party but she’d taken it down when her mom wasn’t looking, too afraid of the implications of the one person she wanted to kiss seeing it.

“Sonnett.” Kelley’s voice is calm, steady even while Emily frantically flips the bottle cap into the trash can, a stupid trick that she learned to impress girls in college but is now doing to buy time to she doesn’t have to face the one girl she’s actually trying to impress. None of those stupid girls in college mattered the way Kelley matters.

That might be the problem.

“Son.” Kelley’s more confident this time, tugging at the sleeve of Emily’s shirt. Her knuckles brush against Emily’s upper arm. Emily shivers.

“Huh?” Emily only dares to look at Kelley when she’s taken two quick gulps of her beer. Kelley’s face is pink. That makes her feel a little better somehow. 

“I want— do you want—” There’s a million possibilities flying through Emily’s head, a spinning wheel she’s waiting to land on one of them. Kelley wants something, and she wants Emily to know about it, and there’s really so many ways that could go.

“Emily.”

It’s the use of her first name that makes her look up, and there’s a fierce spark in Kelley’s eyes, the same kind of look she gets on the field when she’s ready to go after a ball she knows is about to be hers. It makes Emily’s breath catch to have that look directed at her.

“Yeah, Kel?” she manages to ask, because if there’s one thing she knows, it’s that she’s powerless to say no to Kelley, no matter how stupid it might make her feel.

There’s the clinking of silverware on glass and Emily looks up to see Alex standing on a chair, Serv holding her by the waist for balance. “Listen up, everyone! I want to make a toast.”

“Is that safe?” Emily hears someone ask, and she bites back a laugh. Baby or no baby, there’s no stopping Alex Morgan when she wants to do something, even if it’s a fall hazard.

: : :

Emily’s nervous as the toast to a positive and happy 2020 wraps up; she can feel the brush of Kelley’s bare upper arm against her own and Kelley looks far too good for Emily to concentrate on anything else.

When Alex is back on solid ground, Emily braces herself for whatever Kelley’s about to say. She doesn’t know why she’s so nervous, except for that it feels like maybe Kelley also feels affected by what Rose said. But she can acknowledge that it’s more likely that Kelley thinks the prospect of the two of them is ridiculous and she’s ready to laugh it off.

Emma had threatened to ask at the party. She’d considered going up to Kelley and asking her when the hell she was planning to do something about the two of them, but Emily had stopped her. She wasn’t heartbroken, and Kelley wasn’t stringing Emily along. Emma wasn’t happy, but she’d agreed to stay quiet.

God help Emily the next time Rose and Emma are in a room together.

Allie intercepts Kelley before either Kelley or Emily can say anything more, claiming they have business to discuss, and Emily almost feels weirdly relieved, like whatever Kelley was about to say is now put on pause. There was too much tension, and now it’s at least on hold for a bit.

She goes in search of Lindsey, intending to catch up with her for real — she can see her over in the corner of the living room with Mal — but she bumps, quite literally, into Tobin before she can get over there.

“Oof.”

“Oof is right,” Tobin says with a laugh, steadying her by the waist. “You okay?”

“All good.”

“Of course you are, you run into people for a living. Hey, what’s happening with you and Kel?”

Emily could pretend to be oblivious. Could press for detail, to try to figure out if Tobin knows anything. She might know something from Christen, who would’ve heard it from Kelley, or she might have heard it from Kelley directly. Or she could’ve heard something from Lindsey, but — no. Lindsey wouldn’t do that. She might be as close as sisters with Tobin, but Lindsey is _ hers. _

Emily could be oblivious, but she’s so tired of acting that way.

“I don’t know.” It’s a three word confession that she hopes conveys the tangled mess she feels inside.

Tobin’s face changes ever so slightly; Emily only notices because she’s looking for it. “If it helps, I don’t think she does either.”

It feels like a punch in the gut, but not necessarily a bad one. If Kelley doesn’t know what the hell is happening here, then maybe the two of them are okay.

Tobin pats her on the arm and walks away, leaving Emily alone with her thoughts.

: : :

She can’t recall the first time she realized she had a crush on Kelley. That came on slowly and in the background, until one day she looked underneath the surface and realized that underneath her admiration for Kelley as a soccer player was a deep well of feelings.

She does remember the first time she realized her feelings were reciprocated. Not all of them, of course, but enough of them like Emily felt she was someone important to Kelley. 

They were driving back from an offseason training session, Sonnett in the passenger seat, controlling Kelley’s music and filming their antics for instagram at Kelley’s request. 

“You wanna get ice cream?” Kelley asks, out of the blue, already pulling off onto a side street.

“Kel, it’s December.”

“So? It’s not like ice cream has a time limit.”

Kelley parked the car, pouting at Emily with her best puppy dog eyes. Emily found it hard to say no to Kelley even at the best of times.

“Alright,” she said, grabbing her wallet out of the middle console as she unbuckled her seatbelt. “But I’m paying.”

Kelley shook her head. “Sonnett, it was my idea.”

“You picked me up for training and now you’re driving me to your house, where I’m going to lie on your couch and eat too much popcorn and bug you all afternoon. It’s the least I can do.”

She tried to get out of the car, but Kelley stopped her with a hand on her forearm. “Son, you know I do want you there, right? You’re one of my best friends. I really like hanging out with you.”

Emily couldn’t have stopped the grin that took over her face even if she’d tried.

: : :

It’s only in talking to Lindsey that she manages to talk about something other than Kelley for a bit. She can tell Lindsey wants to ask, but she’s a good friend so she doesn’t say anything. It’s not like there’s anything new to report anyway.

She still wants to kiss her so badly it hurts, and she’s still not sure if Kelley wants that too.

She doesn’t realize that she’s searching the room for her until she catches her eye, and Kelley smiles so wide it makes Emily’s heart beat faster.

“You’re not even listening to me,” Lindsey complains.

“No, I am, I swear it,” Emily says, turning her full attention back to her best friend. She wonders if Kelley is still looking at her. “You got a new pair of cleats, go on.” 

She’s trying to follow the thread of what Lindsey is saying. It’s hard to do both things at once: wonder about Kelley and give her full attention to Lindsey at the same time.

“Here, I’ll show you a photo. Sonny, they’re so sick,” Lindsey says, halfway through trying to describe the cleats. She thumbs through her camera roll, and Emily takes advantage of the moment to sneak another glance at Kelley. She’s not in the same spot anymore, but Emily finds her talking to Rose. They lock eyes at the same moment, and as Kelley’s cheeks go pink with embarrassment, Emily realizes that means Kelley was looking for her too.

: : : 

When she thinks back on it, she thinks things between them really got intense during the World Cup. They’d been roommates, rooming together in every city for consistency’s sake. Kelley was in the starting lineup and Emily was thrilled for her. Kelley had been through so much with her recovery over the last few months that for her to be back starting every game was awesome. 

Somehow the sting of not getting to play many minutes at all was eased by rooming with Kelley; she made her laugh and feel good about herself. She’d known going into this that she was mostly here as a practice player. There were just too many good players and Emily needed to keep working as hard as she could. Kelley made her feel like her chance was coming.

The night of the game that Emily played in, Kelley kept telling Emily how proud she was of her, how good she was and how awesome she’d been through the last few weeks. It sent a thrill through Emily, one that wasn’t entire platonic in nature, and Emily tried to brush it off. They were sharing Kelley’s bed as they watched a movie to decompress, and it would’ve been so easy for Emily to lean in and kiss her. She wanted to. But she knew that emotions and tensions were high, and Emily wasn’t going to let those get the best of her.

Things felt a little more normal once they got back to the States; they sat next to each other at the ESPYs and cracked jokes and tried to piece together their memories of the parade earlier that day.

They texted a lot over the next few weeks while they were apart, way more than usual, which Emily can admit was already kind of a lot. Kelley’s friends make fun of her for being a bad texter (Kelley says it’s because she likes to live in the moment, wherever she is) but she’s always been quick to respond to Emily.

That was never more true than in the last weeks of July when they were apart, and Emily couldn’t help but wonder if Kelley missed her as much as she missed Kelley.

The texts never really stopped then, even as they spent Kelley’s birthday together and Sonnett got a stupid red card and Kelley worked to get better and Emily trained as hard as she could. For someone not there with her, Kelley knows more about her life than anyone else.

Emily likes it.

When the season ended, they both found themselves in Atlanta and it was easy to fall back into a routine. Training together, getting food or kicking at one of their houses afterward. It felt natural to expect to see Kelley three, four, five times a week, not just for soccer, but to hang out too. When she looks at it that way, she can see why Rose keeps making fun of her.

It’s like they’re dating, but without any of the hooking up.

: : :

The party is fun. The music is good and so are the snacks, and the alcohol is flowing and her friends are here. She hasn’t seen Kelley in a little bit, but she wants to let her know that she was right to suggest they come. She’ll never give Christen the satisfaction of knowing that she was right, but they almost didn’t show up.

They really had been watching movies, and then Kelley got dressed and looked so good that Emily was willing herself to make a move so that on the off chance things worked out, Emily could get her mouth on the skin at the curve of Kelley’s neck (and then a lot of other places). But Kelley used the same reasoning she used back in Atlanta when she was trying to convince Emily to cut her pre-camp time short: next year, Alex would have a baby, and there wouldn’t be a New Year’s Party. She wonders if that’s the same argument that got half their teammates here too.

Emily catches sight of Kelley on the edge of the room. Kelley waves her over, and Emily goes without much prompting. Except — oh, she’s talking to Alex, the one person Emily’s been most afraid of in all of this. It’s too late though, cause they’ve both seen her.

“Hey, Sonnett,” Alex says, genuinely friendly. It’s not that Emily’s afraid of her. It’s that she holds a lot of power as Kelley’s best friend, and Emily needs (and often wants) to respect that. What Alex thinks of her matters, even if Kelley would insist it doesn’t.

“Great party, Alex.” It must be the alcohol that prompts her to give Alex a hug, and she’s not quite sure what she’s thinking because then Kelley is asking for one too and it’s hard to convince herself to let go. Even when she does, Kelley holds her close, an arm loosely around her waist. It all feels shockingly couple-y.

“Haven’t seen you in a while,” Kelley says, and Emily tries not to read into it but it’s so hard not to, especially the way Kelley’s fingers are brushing against her hip.

“Yeah, well, there’s so many people here,” Emily says. “I can’t help it if everyone here wants to talk to the great Emily Sonnett.”

Kelley laughs, and Emily loves it and wonders when that sound became her favorite one.

There’s something different in Kelley’s eyes tonight and Emily can’t quite make sense of it. She thinks it’s a good thing, because most things are good when it comes to Kelley. She hopes she’s right.

“You having fun though? You don’t feel like I dragged you here against your will?”

“Not at all. Having a blast. You were right.” Kelley looks inordinately pleased.

Alex coughs. “Excuse me, I might not be going to January camp but I’m still here now, I’m not invisible.”

Kelley laughs. “Sorry, Al. What’s up?”

“Nothing, I just wanted you to pay attention to me. I have to go to talk to someone else anyway.”

“Alright, bye.”

“Yeah, bye. Now you’re gonna miss me. I see how it is.”

Emily sees Kelley roll her eyes but before she can process it she’s caught up in the way Alex brings her mouth to Emily’s ear and covers it with her hand. “Be good to her, okay? Don’t hurt her.”

She looks at Emily’s eyes meaningfully and squeezes her shoulder. Emily nods back, recognizing it for what it is: a blessing, a threat, a confirmation as good as she’s likely to get any time soon.

“What was that?” Kelley asks immediately, but Emily shakes her head. There’s no way she’s talking to Kelley about whatever _ that _ was. But she’s done holding back from this thing.

She wants to touch Kelley, so she does: she reaches over and pulls at the end of her sleeveless shirt, finger running over the seam. “This is a really cute shirt.”

Kelley looks vaguely confused, but she also takes a half step closer. “Thanks? You were there when I picked it out. Or has the beer gotten to your brain? Do you have a fever or something?”

What happens next is something Emily is pretty sure she hallucinates: Kelley leans in and presses her lips to Emily’s forehead and then just _ leaves _them there.

Emily, shocked into stillness, feels her brain go blank. A moment later, Kelley pulls back, laughing at herself, her face bright pink. Emily doesn’t know what to think.

“Oh my god, Sonnett, I’m sorry. I don’t know what — it’s the way my mom used to check if we had a fever — I’m —”

“Just about ready for another drink, I think,” Emily says, willing to voice to remain calm. It’s a little shaky in the middle but she manages.

“Another drink is probably a bad idea so yes, I am in.” Kelley sounds marginally less hysterical this time.

Emily is still wondering what the fuck just happened when she leads Kelley over to the bar and opens two beers. She hands one to Kelley and tells her to drink up. She’s not the only one feeling what she feels. She knows that with certainty now looking at Kelley, watching her reactions, watching her reactions to _ Emily. _ The only thing she’s not sure of now is why she waited so long to do anything about it.

“Kel,” she says quietly, setting her beer down on the table closest to them. It might not be a table; she doesn’t actually look. It’s just the closest flat surface.

“Yeah?” says Kelley. Her voice is soft, the way it only ever is when they’re lying in bed watching a movie and Kelley has something she wants to confess. She’s never heard it like this, so quiet and both of them standing so, so close.

Emily’s hand is twitching at her side. She wants to reach up and cup Kelley’s face, to wipe away the crumb next to her cheek, to hold her by the chin and pull her close. She hesitates, and she watches a thousand emotions flicker over Kelley’s face. She wants to kiss her, she does. She wants to kiss her so bad her entire body feels tight with it. But they’re in public, in the middle of Alex’s party, and she doesn’t have the nerve.

“Sonnett! Kel! We’re gonna go play a game, let’s go!” 

She flinches and takes a step backward at the sound of Sam’s voice. Sam, who is gesturing from the doorway, sneakers in her hand. That’s right, the soccer game. The stupid pick up soccer game they always have at Alex’s parties without fail.

“Be right there,” Emily calls back, over the din of the rest of the party, not looking away from Kelley, and her voice cracks in the middle. Kelley’s face is still a little pink, and for a moment she looks transfixed, and then Emily smiles at her and she shakes out of it.

“I’m gonna win,” Kelley says, reaching over to tug at Emily’s ponytail.

Emily grins. “Bring it on.”

: : :

Playing soccer in jeans isn’t exactly comfortable, but playing with her teammates again is the most comfortable Emily’s been in weeks. It’s haphazard, a mix of national team players and party guests she’s never played with before. Everyone’s a little drunk and that’s the fun of it, all of them just chasing after the ball like they’re little kids again.

Kelley and Emily are on opposing teams, and Emily fights her hardest to get the ball away from Kelley, bumping Kelley’s hip with her own as she tries to get it back. Kelley digs her fingers into Emily’s hips to push her out of the way. 

“That’s a card, O’Hara,” Emily yells, and Kelley pushes her over. It’s teasing, not violent, but Emily loses her balance and pulls Kelley down with her. They end up tangled together on the ground, Kelley halfway on top of her.

It’s not the first time, but it’s the first time Kelley’s weight has been on her like this when everything feels… like this, and Emily’s breath catches in her throat. She meets Kelley’s eyes and see that she looks exactly how Emily feels: a little off balance.

She wants to say something, but she doesn’t know what it would be. Luckily, she’s saved by Lindsey yelling at them to get up so they can keep the game going. Kelley helps her to her feet, her hand soft in Emily’s. And then the game starts again.

She loves it, loves the way that she feels with the ball at her feet, loves the way she runs past Lindsey and gets a perfect cross past Lindsey right to Tobin, who scores a beautiful goal that has them all screaming and hugging. Kelley looks mad, Christen at her side, and Emily just blows her a kiss and shrugs.

“It’s 11:50,” Alex calls from the porch. “Champagne inside if you want it!”

A few people head inside right away, and the teams readjust, but after a few minutes it’s just Rose and Lindsey and Kelley and Emily. Emily’s hyper aware of this fact: she doesn’t trust Rose not to say anything. And sure enough, just as Lindsey scores a goal and then declares herself done, as Emily’s reaching for the ball, Rose approaches them, face determined. Even Kelley looks a little nervous, and that never happens.

“Enjoy, you two,” Rose says, looking between them, and then she walks away, back into the house.

It’s just the two of them now, Emily knows and she bends down to tie her sneaker so that she doesn’t have to look at Kelley. Everything feels so much more intense now, and she just needs a moment to breathe.

“Well that was subtle,” Kelley says, laughing as the door slams behind Rose.

“What was?” Emily asks, her brain blank. She’s too busy focused on the sweat curling at the top of Kelley’s hairline, at the way her chest is rising and falling as she catches her breath.

“It’s just us now,” Kelley says, taking a step closer. There’s an intense look on her face that makes Emily feel a little weak in the knees.

“Oh. Yeah.” Emily leans against the goal post for balance. “Do you want to go back inside?”

“What?” Kelley looks a little shocked. “No, Em. I want to stay right here.”

Emily’s throat feels dry. “I don’t know. Maybe you wanted champagne or something.”

“I can get champagne later,” says Kelley. “I’m good here.”

Emily smiles, but it’s wobbly. Her heart feels like it’s beating fast as Kelley gets closer. It’s so loud she’s sure that Kelley can hear it. She thinks about going after the ball, chasing it down the field to score in the other goal. Kelley would go after her, and the two of them could play one-on-one until they dropped to the ground in exhaustion. It would be fun.

But Emily’s done running away. She wants this, and all signs point toward Kelley wanting it. She just has to reach out and grab it.

She opens her mouth, ready to speak, and then closes it again.

There’s so much she wants to say, but none of it feels right.

“Kel.”

“Yeah, Em?” Kelley’s voice is soft, almost a whisper.

“Can I—?” _ Can I kiss you? _she wants to ask. She can’t make herself say it.

Kelley nods anyway.

Inside the house, people start counting down, and Kelley gently brushes her fingertips down Emily’s cheek, smiling at her like she’s the best thing she’s ever seen. Emily doesn’t quite know how to make sense of that thought.

_ “Ten!” _

Emily thinks about the first time she met Kelley, nearly five years ago now. She’d always known she was something special, but she hadn’t expected _ this. _

_ “Nine!” _

She reaches for Kelley, pulling her close with a soft hand around the back of her neck. Kelley’s face relaxes; she’s looking at Emily’s lips.

_ “Eight!” _

Emily thinks about this summer, pushing her feelings down for Kelley as far as she could, but wondering at the same time if Kelley possibly felt the same way. Wondering if there was even a chance that she might. Realizing that maybe she did.

_ “Seven!” _

Emily’s free hand comes up to brush a strand of Kelley’s hair away from her face. Kelley has always been so goddamn attractive to her, and she’s finally going to do something about it.

_ “Six!” _

She remembers listening to Kelley on Julie Foudy’s podcast, hearing her say that Emily was her cheer of the day. She remembers texting Kelley that afternoon, a string of hearts and a ‘you make me laugh too.’ She remembers Kelley calling her almost immediately, and then spending two hours on the phone catching up.

_ “Five!” _

Kelley’s grin sets Emily’s heart a little off kilter in the very best way, and Emily matches it.

_ “Four!” _

She thinks about Kelley helping Emily train Bagel, about Bagel licking her face and Kelley’s loud, loud laugh in that moment, and realizing she never wanted to go a day without hearing that sound. She thinks about the last few months, this awkward dance they’ve been doing, of feeling uncertain but knowing even in spite of it that she’s been having the best time.

_ “Three!” _

Emily’s whole body feels hot as she closes the gap between them and settles her hand on Kelley’s waist, fingers resting on the bare skin under her shirt, the other hand still cupped around her neck.

_ “Two!” _

She thinks about growing up into herself and with other people, thinks about shared experiences and whispered confessions in the dark, about car rides and training sessions and letting herself be exactly who she is around the people she trusts the most.

She’s not scared of this anymore.

_ “One!” _

Kelley closes her eyes. Emily leans in and kisses her. 

_ “Happy New Year!” _

Emily’s ears are ringing. Kelley’s lips are soft against hers, and Emily loses track of anything that’s not the feeling of Kelley’s body pressed against hers, soft and warm and strong. Her stomach is fluttering, and Kelley’s hands drop to her waist, and Emily doesn’t know how long she went without the press of Kelley’s body against hers. Now that she has it, she doesn’t want anything else.

Kelley pulls back a moment later, and her eyes are shining. She opens her mouth and—

“Finally!” 

The exclamation doesn’t come from Emily, or from Kelley. It comes from Rose. They both turn, Emily’s hand still around Kelley’s waist, to see Rose and Lindsey and Tobin and Alex standing on the porch. 

“Are you kidding me?” Emily yells.

“Go back inside!” Kelley adds.

“Kiss again!” Rose yells. Kelley rolls her eyes and Emily laughs and kisses her again, and then a second time for good measure. Rose makes a disgusted sound in the background and Kelley laughs against her lips, and Emily feels ridiculously, deliriously happy.

It’s 2020, and she’s ready for what’s to come. 


End file.
